why must everything be so complicated?!?!
i have made such a clusterfuck out of my life that i can hardly breathe. i cant wait to be done with school so i have more than five seconds to think about what i want. i miss that feeling of happiness. it has been replaced with doubt and confusion. i want things to go back to how they were but i have a sneaking suspicion that they will never be that way again. everytime i feel like i know what someone is thinking or feeling im completely wrong.
how can i be so off?
i think school is sucking out my brain and replacing it with complete frustration.
no one is ever honest and upfront despite my efforts to be that way.
why cant you just tell me what we are and save me the trouble of wondering? if its nothing i can focus on something that actually matters.
i hate that i never have any free time away from the papers and tests and readings to be with my mom or my best friend.
i hate that i cant ever get a good nights sleep without being plagued with a thousand questions.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
a quarter of a century
1. get tatted up lol
2. go to disneyworld
3. graduate
4. find a job that i actually like
5. read all the shit ive bought and never read
6. find my hairspray shirt.. [like thats ever gunna happen]
7. stop being fat
8. have all the rooms in my house painted
9. go to europe
10. be in grad school
2. go to disneyworld
3. graduate
4. find a job that i actually like
5. read all the shit ive bought and never read
6. find my hairspray shirt.. [like thats ever gunna happen]
7. stop being fat
8. have all the rooms in my house painted
9. go to europe
10. be in grad school
Monday, January 25, 2010
no help from ign
i wish someone could tell you if you were doing the right thing..
life would be so much easier..
or maybe there could just be a walkthrough online somewhere..
those are always so helpful..
at least i have my bo by my side..
and thats all that matters
love you best friend!!
and im not even drunk.. lol
life would be so much easier..
or maybe there could just be a walkthrough online somewhere..
those are always so helpful..
at least i have my bo by my side..
and thats all that matters
love you best friend!!
and im not even drunk.. lol
Monday, August 24, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
why...
why does everything crumble apart no matter how much you try to keep it together.. is love enough to make it all worth while.. does trust ever return on its own.. or is it something that you have to search for each and everyday.. hoping to stumble upon it and have your life go back to normal.. why is everything so hard.. i guess im not so lucky afterall..
Monday, June 15, 2009
im a toys r us kid
i feel like im running in place.. trying to grow up and be the person i want to be.. but at the same time standing completely still in every single way..
[Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that..]
--alice in wonderland--
even though im in college im not really advancing because i cant decide what i really want to do for the rest of my life.. i have interests but none that i want to commit to.. i love literature but dont know how to use this love towards a career.. my whole life i have wanted to teach but now that ive questioned that ambition i feel lost.. like im just floating around waiting for the wind to sweep me to where i need to be..
im getting a house very soon but i cant let myself be excited because im terrified of something going wrong again.. the heartache of being let down is harder than i could ever explain and i despise that feeling more than anything.. it is so hard to watch something wonderful happen and not be able to be truly happy about it..
being engaged is supposed to be this amazing thing but i feel like the person whos opinion i care most about isnt happy for me and i feel like im supposed to feel ashamed for finally being lucky in love.. i wish that they could be happy with me and know that things would never change between us and honestly believe that..
i hate my job but love the people i work with.. i feel so comfortable with my knowledge of what my job requires and im too afraid to leave it behind and get better one.. i worry that i wont be able to escape my dead end job because of all my insecurities with change..
the worst part is the people i want to share these feelings with i cant for some reason or another.. some just arent here anymore.. others never have been.. and some seem like they dont want to be involved.. and so i keep all these thoughts and feelings to myself.. hoping things will fall into place eventually..
[Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that..]
--alice in wonderland--
even though im in college im not really advancing because i cant decide what i really want to do for the rest of my life.. i have interests but none that i want to commit to.. i love literature but dont know how to use this love towards a career.. my whole life i have wanted to teach but now that ive questioned that ambition i feel lost.. like im just floating around waiting for the wind to sweep me to where i need to be..
im getting a house very soon but i cant let myself be excited because im terrified of something going wrong again.. the heartache of being let down is harder than i could ever explain and i despise that feeling more than anything.. it is so hard to watch something wonderful happen and not be able to be truly happy about it..
being engaged is supposed to be this amazing thing but i feel like the person whos opinion i care most about isnt happy for me and i feel like im supposed to feel ashamed for finally being lucky in love.. i wish that they could be happy with me and know that things would never change between us and honestly believe that..
i hate my job but love the people i work with.. i feel so comfortable with my knowledge of what my job requires and im too afraid to leave it behind and get better one.. i worry that i wont be able to escape my dead end job because of all my insecurities with change..
the worst part is the people i want to share these feelings with i cant for some reason or another.. some just arent here anymore.. others never have been.. and some seem like they dont want to be involved.. and so i keep all these thoughts and feelings to myself.. hoping things will fall into place eventually..
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